Dieter's Prayer

septy-speaks

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot incited by my wicked diet.

"We are what we eat," said a wise old man!

And, Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can !

I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain,

But, at my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall

Into the clutches of cholesterol !

At margarine I'll never mutter

For the road to hell is paved with butter.

And cream is cursed, and cake is awful,

And Satan lurks in every waffle !

Give me this day my daily slice,

But cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,

Deliver me from jujubes please !

And when my days of dieting are done,

And my war with Snickers bars is won,

Let me stand with the heavenly throng,

In a shining robe...size seven, long !

I can do it, Lord, if You'll show to me,

The virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise...

Of pasta a la Milanaise, potatoes a la Lyonnaise...

And crisp-fried chicken from the south ...

Lord, if you love me... shut my mouth !